So I know it's been a while since I've written anything, and I apologize for that. I hope to rectify that soon. I've been pretty busy lately.
As it stands, on Friday, I close on my house. The kids and I will be starting to move all of our stuff for a week, then going to Idaho to see Tina and her kids for a week, and then coming back to finish the move before school starts. Busy busy.
In a way, this is finishing the last page to the last chapter in my life, and really, starting the next one. This one is open ended so far. I don't have much of a framework to go off of. The plotline has all changed, and characters have been re-introduced. There are new goals, new plans, new destinations.
In the past few months, I've had to accept that all my old dreams with Robin are truly gone. I think we all hold onto things like that after loss, at least for a while. Eventually, though, we need to let go and realign. Letting go is never an easy thing to do, but it's part of the healing process too.
So here I am, starting a new chapter in my life. Moving into a new house, the kids and I finding our new spot.
I'm deeply in love again, which I never ever expected to have happen. After Robin, I had really written off that part of my life, and was just waiting to head down a darker road than I wanted to be on. Having my kids, and getting in contact with Tina again was the only thing that kept me from that.
The house is more than I expected to find, we just had to let go of the old dream of staying in the Central District, and accept our new spot in the world.
The pages ahead are unwritten. I don't know where these roads will lead me. My hands are empty, to better discover what is ahead of me. I'm letting go of the old things I was holding onto and really embracing this new beginning that I have.
I think it will always be bittersweet, but at this point, it is exciting. And frightening. I feel alive again for the first time in a long time.
So this week finds me standing at the beginning of a new road, my kids by my side, and the best friend, love and companion I never expected to find, and her amazing and beautiful children too. (Think the Brady Bunch)
My story has come full circle now, it was pain, but now there is hope. I'm wiser, stronger and I feel a far better person than I used to be. I am embracing this road that I am now on, and walking it in earnest.