So it's been a while since I've written anything. I took a little hiatus, or burned out for a bit, whatever you want to call it. The turning of the year was rougher on me than I expected, and it took a little while to sort a lot of things. Moving past her birthday was a big one. Now it is mid-way through March, and I've been feeling a lot better.
I recently decided to get back to living, since I realized that I was either going to do that, or grief would destroy me. So I started looking at the future. Planning things again, doing my taxes, thinking about a house, thinking about life.
In my experience in this, letting go of certain dreams has been a struggle. It isn't fair in any way when people see their dreams shattered, whatever they may be. After a while I noticed I'd been clutching to the tattered remains of them, not sure why; maybe for security, maybe for no reason at all.
I've seen that anger is like that too. I thought I was doing better with it, but it comes and goes. I think it will take some time to move past it, but I'm working through that as well. Luckily, the kids keep me busy enough I don't get much of a chance to dwell on it.
I guess the biggest thing I realized was I needed to start actually moving forward. I will never forget, but I need to let myself live.
So the first thing I decided, was that I'd make it a point to post mainly over here, since, like it or not, the story I can write now is of me and the kids. So, I'll make it the best I can.
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