Everyone has their own reasons, good or bad, and over time it sorts itself out. The people who train for empty reasons (the wrong mind) will find themselves in places that their mindset brought them. Or, they might discover the right mind through their training. I can't speak for anyone else's reasons for training. Only my own.
Why do I train?
When I really look at it, and look at all the various reasons I stepped back onto this road, I can boil them all down into a single statement.
To live well and be a good person.
Hatsumi Soke told us "Real ninjutsu is not for assassins or wrongdoers, but for those who wish to cultivate perseverance and endurance in order to find better ways of leading a happy life." In my current situation, dealing with my wife fighting breast cancer, I find myself needing perseverance and endurance more than ever before in my life. Those are both traits that have both a physical and mental side, and really, the can be trained together.
Physical and mental endurance can both be developed through training. Mental endurance will also come from your personal faith. My faith in God has lead me to believe that some good will come from this situation.
The endurance and perseverance I am developing through training is helping me to better strive forward through all of this.
Through training, I am also finding again the importance of maintaining my calm, my kamae, or balance. Kamae, in budo, is thought of, at first, as your physical balance. As I train, though, I find it is also my mental balance. My bearing.
The Marine Corps taught me that bearing is one of the most important things to be cultivated. It helps you deal with people as a professional. You maintain your outward calm even if you are truly raging inside. As time passes, though, I am learning (trying) to keep even the internal turmoil out of the picture.
Hatsumi Soke said, "First, forget your sadness, anger, grudges, and hatred. Let them pass like smoke caught in a breeze. Do not indulge yourself in such feelings."
That statement struck me deeply. That is something I had struggled with since Robin's battle started. I had been dealing with anger for a long time. I feel it was starting to consume me. It was starting to develop into a rage that I was not in control of. For a while, I failed.
Instead of letting the smoke to pass, I had allowed it to smolder, and it was beginning to consume. I have held that image in my head though. When I feel it build, I let the wind smother it. Wind can help a fire start, or it can put it out. Now, I try to blow out the flame before it really takes hold. It is an ongoing process.
Getting my mental/ spiritual Kamae, my balance, my bearing, back has become a central goal to me. Having bearing and balance through all of life is a good way to develop into a better person. If nothing else, it will help you in your dealings with others.
Secondly, developing physical endurance and perseverance will obviously help in life. I have let my conditioning go since I got out of the Marine Corps, much to my own detriment. That's something I should never have done, especially when I consider my employment. You might ask, how being out of shape leads to being a bad person? It might seem like something that doesn't hurt anyone but me.
The more I think about it though, I realize it means I am out of balance. I have become a slave to physical desires. Temperance and moderation must be exercised.
Georges Hébert said: "Être fort pour être utile", or "Being strong to be useful." In the Marine Corps, this made perfect sense, since we were always Riflemen first. The Martial Culture demands a strong and prepared body, able to react and overcome whatever is presented of it. Working in law enforcement, it is just as important, as I need to be able to respond to situations that are physically taxing. The lives of myself and my brothers and sisters depend on it.
Furthermore, life in general demands it. We have our families to take care of. America, as it is now has let us become weak if we wish it. We don't have to hunt to bring down our food. We don't have to gather to survive, unless you count going to the grocery store. We are allowed to be weak.
Sometimes, it almost seems to be encouraged, as these days those who achieve are penalized. (take a college class sometime) Competitions are 'fair' these days. We tell people it's ok not to win, as long as they try. It's ok, don't feel bad. You tried.
As I'm starting to see it, that isn't correct. Master Yoda told us, "Do, or do not. There is no try."
So go out to do. If you fail, go harder next time. Go smarter. Eventually, you can accomplish it, or you are unable. At that point, you have to gather yourself and attack it a different way. That is where perseverance and endurance come in. Being physically and mentally strong go hand in hand and give you the ability to endure and persevere through situations in life.
Endurance and perseverance seem to be coming up a lot. Here is why:
Ninjutsu (忍術)
The main character nin (忍) is a phono-semantic compound composed of two greater characters. The upper character ha or jin (刃) is the phonetic indicator; its meaning of "edge of the sword" is therefore irrelevant here. The lower character kokoro or shin (心) means "heart" or "soul". The compound means "stealth", "secrecy", "endurance", "perseverance", and "patience".[3] Jutsu (術) means "art" or "technique". Hō (法) meaning "knowledge", "principle", "law" or "system" when found with the prefix "nin" carries the meaning of ninja arts, higher order of ninjutsu.
I find many of these factors coming together into my life right now. I need to be physically fit, not only for my job, but for my family. My wife is sick with cancer, and I need to be physically strong to have the endurance to take care of my family after I have been at work all day. I need to have the energy to be there to enjoy my children. I need the energy to keep the house going when I would rather rest.
I need the energy to make it through my workday, to be watchful for the safety of myself and others. I need to be strong, because at the end of the day, I am coming home, no matter what is thrown at me. I will be strong to be useful.
So, I still have a lot to work on. That is why I train, to be a better person. I want to be a stronger person, mentally and physically, more in control of myself, emotionally, physically. I will develop my kamae, my balance, my bearing.
I will develop the endurance and perseverance necessary for life. I will be a man who can live.
That is why I train.
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